It's only a phase

I really don't like the phrase "it's only a phase". I could probably go as far as to say I hate it. As though it being a phase makes it any easier to deal with/accept.

The phase right now that has my sanity floating somewhere unreachable would be the "Mr Man won't sleep" phase.  I don't know what happened. Trust me when I say I have spent many hours pondering what went wrong and when and why. I am at a loss. I guess it really doesn't matter since he's not sleeping. I should focus on how to make it better.  Except I don't know how.

Sometime in August he went from waking once or twice (probably more twice than once) to waking three or four times each night.  Currently he is sleeping from 7 (ish) until 11 and then up at 2, 4, and 6.  By the time I get him fed (as I don't know any other way to get him back to sleep even though it means changing his diaper at least once during the night) and put back in his crib I am getting approximately one hour and fifteen minutes of sleep before he is up again.  An hour and fifteen minutes is probably pretty generous since it usually takes me a little while to fall back to sleep.

This morning I wasn't functioning. I wasn't sure I could handle the day.  I did. I didn't want to.  But I did.  Miss M may have watched shows or played on the iPad all day long but we made it through until the end of the day.  After Mr. Man woke up from his usual 45 minute nap I decided we should go check out the zoo. It was a cool day therefore Mr. Man wouldn't get too hot in his car seat as he's usually a hot sweaty mess. I was hoping for a really long nap in his car seat throughout the zoo and on the way back home.

Things didn't quite go as planned. He slept all right but he fell asleep while riding in the Bjorn. He looked miserably uncomfortable and my back wasn't really thrilled that he didn't provide me any warning to move him to the car seat. We survived.  That's the thing. We always seem to survive. Some days it's just closer than others.

I went back to the book I had published of Miss M's first year and she went through the same sleep regression thing where she was up every 2 hours and it started around 3.5 months as it did with Mr. Man. I know it gets better. And I am happy I know it gets better because wondering if it ever gets better is worse.

But it doesn't make it easy.  I told myself I wouldn't read the books or search the ends of the world wide web looking for an answer.  I have and I think it's made me a little (a lot) more insane.  He doesn't know how to put himself to sleep without a bottle shoved in his mouth. Even when he's not hungry. I know he's not hungry for more food at 2 am when he just downed 6 oz three hours earlier. Or more food at 4 am when he just ate 2 hours earlier.  And yes, he's getting ample food during the day.  He doesn't miss a meal.

It has been recommended (strongly) that I try to feed him cereal as though that will make all my/hid sleep problems disappear. I tried last week. He didn't even open his mouth. I tried again tonight. I caught him with his mouth open and shoved the cereal in.  He pushed it back out with his tongue. I bought some sweet potatoes and squash to try also.  I don't think they will work either.  He just isn't really interested.

We have a doctors visit scheduled for next Friday which is t-minus one week. I just want to talk to the doctor about how much formula he's ingesting in a 24 hour period because it's so bad/embarrassing that I stopped keeping track.

I don't want to talk about his sleep problems anymore because they just upset me.

I know it gets better.

I know it's just a phase.

But the lack of sleep I am getting doesn't help my ability to see any sort of light at the end of the tunnel.

It will come.

There will be a new phase.

But there aren't any phases I hate more (so far in the 2.5 years of being a parent) than when a baby won't sleep.  I don't think there was another phase after the sleep phase that made me as crazy as the sleep phase made me.

Or maybe I just forgot.

Or maybe I will remember when Mr. Man goes through it.

You can remind me then.

Until then I have to get some shut eye as Mr. Man will be up in approximately 2.5 hours.

Goodnight.